I think music can be a bad influence, because music can inspire us to do drugs, and it can be very bad, and we don't need music for survival
We don't need music to survive. Music cant make us stay alive or even help us. We need food and water to survive not music.
Music can be no good. Music can have sex money and even guns in the lyrics that their saying. Music can make us upset, sad, or maybe make us go insane.
Music can inspire us to do drugs. Music when played backwards can have drug abuse words like weed, meth, coke cane, and many more in it. Music lyrics can make us hear about these new drugs and maybe we can try them because we might think were cool because they said its cool.
So thats why I think is a inspiring thing that kids can hear ab
Justin,
ReplyDeleteYou are getting better at choosing a clear opinion and three reasons to support it. Each of your body paragraphs is about 1 topic and sticks to that topic.
What I think you could work on is making sure your opinion sticks to the topic you were given. The question was about whether music is just a luxury or important for survival, but your opinion said "music can be a bad influence," which doesn't really match either choice.
I'd also like you to work on getting more specific in each of your body paragraphs by giving even more detailed examples. In your third paragraph, it would be a lot more convincing for you to name a song or two that actually has really bad language or talk about recent news story about a kid copy-catting something from song lyrics.
Overall, I'm very impressed by how much your organization in your writing has improved since the beginning of the year! Keep it up.
Score 17/20